Ask An Expert: Jack Bauer

Yowza, we nearly let March Madness slip by without inviting even but one of our favorite minds to talk some hoops and lay down their perspective on the tournament. This year, we're gonna try to catch up with Jack Bauer on his cell phone. We all know he has some pretty busy days, so hopefully we can catch him. Let's get him on the horn...Me: Jack, it's Entwistle. Got a second?Jack Bauer (whispering): Go ahead.Me: So it's down to the Final Four, what do make of the Road to Detroit thus far?Jack Bauer (whispering): The Road to Detoit? One second. Chloe, it's Jack. Get me the schematics on Detroit International Airport. There should be an access road leading us to Gradenko.Me: Not an access road, you know the NCAA tournament? This season it is in Detroit, do you think that provides Michigan State with an inside advantage?Jack Bauer (whispering): There's a breach inside the FBI? I don't know how they got through the firewall, but our infrastructure is exposed. Somebody must have gotten a hold of the CIT device? This never would have happened at CTU.Me: I bet it was Goran Suton. He seems like a terrorist.Jack Bauer (whispering): Chloe, I need you to run a cross reference on a Goran Suton with Victor Brazen and Andre Drazen. We may have a mole on the inside.Me: What do you make of UConn's chances to take over and win this thing? Hasheem Thabeet seems like the real deal?Jack Bauer (whispering): We have reason to believe that Hasheem Thabeet is working with Dubaku and the Sengalis. I need to call Tony Almeida.Me: You know what you should do? Go back to 1985 when you were awesome. Speaking of 1985, how annoying is all this talk about Villanova's 1985 season? Do you have idea how long ago that was?Jack Bauer (whispering): I'm only like 7 days old.Me: What ever happened to your daughter? She was the only reason I watched the show and now it sucks, but I still watch it, because I feel obligated or something?Jack Bauer (whispering): She moved in with the original kidnapper from season 2, you know the guy who looked like Johnny Drama.Me: How come CTU is supposedly closed, but everybody works in the exact same building and does the exact same stuff?Jack Bauer (whispering): Things aren't always as they seem. Harris Barnes is actually Habib Marwan.Me: Did you ever notice that if you do a google image search for Roy Williams, all the entries are of the wide receiver and none of the basketball coach. Do you think he has a CIT device or something?Jack Bauer (whispering): Shut up before I snap your arm in half...Me: Fine.Subscribe to us